optimism
Children learn optimism different ways. First, they learn by listening and observing how their parents deal with adversity. Although the relationship and interaction with mothers is common discussed (e.g. Seligman, 2006), it is interesting to note that fathers carry as much weight when it comes to developing positive attitudes (Yu & Ko, 2013). Another way that children learn optimism and pessimism is by the messages the children hear when they fail. If they are told statements such as, “you always make a mess of things” and “you’ll never get it right” they will be more likely to develop a pessimistic outlook. These statements give the child the message that they are helpless to do anything about the situation. On the other hand, if they hear statements such as, “you didn’t listen to the instructions” and “you need to be more careful” they will be more likely to develop a more optimistic attitude as they understand that if they listen to instructions or be more careful, they can succeed (Seligman, 2006).
In order to change a pessimistic view to an optimistic one, one must first examine his or her explanatory style. This is composed of three components: permanence, pervasiveness, and personalization. Permanence refers to how permanent one sees the situation. In negative situations, pessimists will make sue of words like “always” and “never,” indicating a belief that the condition is permanent. Optimists perceive the problem to be temporary, avoiding the words “always” and “never.” Conversely, in positive situations, the pessimist will perceive the event to be temporary while optimists will see it as permanent. Pervasiveness is the idea that something is universal or specific. If a problem occurs in one area of a person’s life, the pessimist will generalize it to all areas of life. An optimist will keep the situation isolated to the area of life involved. For example, if a person burns dinner, a pessimist will say “I can’t do anything right” while an optimist will say “I should learn to cook.” Finally, personalization refers to whether a person blames internal or external factors for failure. Those who generally blame themselves when things go wrong usually have low self-esteem and are prone to depression. Those who blame external factors have less stress and higher self-esteem.[1] Conversely, when things go right, optimists generally credit themselves while pessimists credit outside factors such as luck (Seligman, 2006). Therefore, the key to changing from a pessimistic perspective to an optimistic one is to help one learn to see situations as temporary, specific, that external factors may contribute to the blame when things go wrong, and that one’s skills can be credited for when things go right.
[1] Seligman (2006) points out that he is not advocating relinquishing responsibility for one’s actions. There is a proper time and circumstance for attributing external factors, but if a person’s actions were wrong he or she must take responsibility for them.
In order to change a pessimistic view to an optimistic one, one must first examine his or her explanatory style. This is composed of three components: permanence, pervasiveness, and personalization. Permanence refers to how permanent one sees the situation. In negative situations, pessimists will make sue of words like “always” and “never,” indicating a belief that the condition is permanent. Optimists perceive the problem to be temporary, avoiding the words “always” and “never.” Conversely, in positive situations, the pessimist will perceive the event to be temporary while optimists will see it as permanent. Pervasiveness is the idea that something is universal or specific. If a problem occurs in one area of a person’s life, the pessimist will generalize it to all areas of life. An optimist will keep the situation isolated to the area of life involved. For example, if a person burns dinner, a pessimist will say “I can’t do anything right” while an optimist will say “I should learn to cook.” Finally, personalization refers to whether a person blames internal or external factors for failure. Those who generally blame themselves when things go wrong usually have low self-esteem and are prone to depression. Those who blame external factors have less stress and higher self-esteem.[1] Conversely, when things go right, optimists generally credit themselves while pessimists credit outside factors such as luck (Seligman, 2006). Therefore, the key to changing from a pessimistic perspective to an optimistic one is to help one learn to see situations as temporary, specific, that external factors may contribute to the blame when things go wrong, and that one’s skills can be credited for when things go right.
[1] Seligman (2006) points out that he is not advocating relinquishing responsibility for one’s actions. There is a proper time and circumstance for attributing external factors, but if a person’s actions were wrong he or she must take responsibility for them.